What Has Gotten You To The Present Conflict?

One hard reality may be evident: Whatever you have been doing to save your marriage or resolve your disputes has not worked. Something has to change.

At times there is sudden cause to hurt the marriage or family-life. More often, spouses have tried for years to heal the marriage. Some marriages are burdened by family secrets that have become too oppressive to be hidden any longer. Other marriages are wounded with chronic disrespect, suppressed anger, or even outright violence.

In still other cases, seemingly more obvious causes wound the marriage such as sudden bankruptcy, adultery, gambling, alcoholism, drugs, pornography, battery, juvenile delinquency that has been tolerated. Even with a conspicuous cause, there usually are other missed contributing factors. Thus, relationships deteriorate without understanding. Family life becomes characterized by constant anger, fear, or despair. Loved ones grow bitter with contempt and festering frustration.

When a family wound becomes entrenched, when all solutions seem to have failed, it is no wonder that the ending the marriage appears to be the only choice. Statistically, however, if the marriage fails without even a recognition of the issues, the mistakes will be repeated in all other relationships.

If you have been trying to hold up the world, it is time to let go. It is time to let others help you with the real problems that have brought you to the brink of separation. It is time to try something different. You do not have to have all the answers now. For the moment, begin by discerning all your options and your true goals.

Now is the time to take a fresh look at who you are, as you let others guide you in creative new problem-solving techniques. Regardless of the obstacles you face, there is hope. Pause to look at what has led you to this point of disconnection. Begin with targeted changes in how you respond to life, to your spouse, and to others. You can transform your relationships and your life.

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