Have you ever wondered what is takes to make a guy like you?
Let’s say you meet a guy and are sweet on him. So naturally you want him to like you.
After all, that is how romances begin. Two people meet and come to learn they like each other, then things progress from there.
You probably already think you have a good idea on how all that works, right?
So let’s say you are right.
Let’s say you know how to get guys interested in you. Let’s assume you understand what turns them on and how to get them to pay attention to you, flirt with you, and ask you on a date.
That’s all good right?
But do you know how to get a guy to not just like you, but also over time fall in love with you, with him eventually asking you to marry?
And what about those men who say they love you, but don’t seem to want to marry you or choose to avoid you? As a matter of fact, I wrote an article about this scenario. Take a look…
This article is not going to be one of those “how to get a guy to marry you in 60 days” type of guides.
I am not here to show you how to make a man marry you asap.
Nor am I going to walk you through the 10 steps of how to get a man to propose to you in a fit of romance!
And I am not certainly going to give you a “how to make a man marry you spell” that you can whip out and use to your heart’s delight.
Unfortunately the real world of romance and love does not operate on spells or charms.
Nor does the idea of marriage form in your boyfriend’s mind because you followed a “proven” 7 step plan.
Going from becoming friends to falling in love, then eventually tying the knot of marriage is not an easy ask.
Indeed, it’s asking a lot unless you really understand the mind of a man.
Oh, yes. There is that phrase again…”knowing the mind of a man“.
For many women, men are confounding.
Just when you think you know the guy and what it is he really wants, he surprises you, delights you or annoys you angers you and disappoints you.
Your work hard to draw him in and become close.
The seeds of romance is planted and love is blossoming.
Everything can feel so right.
You then become intimate with your boyfriend and are certain he enjoys the sexual and emotional intimacy as much as you.
And you probably wouldn’t be too far off the mark.
But when it comes to settling down, making a real commitment to a life long relationship of trust and marriage, this is where some men come up short.
So what gives?
Why do certain men avoid commitment like it was a plague.
Let’s talk about all these things, first starting with how to get a guy to really start liking you.
We are not talking about a friend with benefits kind of relationship. We are talking about getting a guy to really feel connected to you, enjoying your company, wanting to be with you day and night.
In my book, a guy liking you comes before him learning to love you.
Becoming really good friends is important. It forms a platform for love to form.
So let’s first talk about how a guy comes to like you.
He Likes Me, He Likes Me Not
So what is the secret to unlocking a guy’s heart?
Do you start with giving him a little gift rose?
Or is that too much, too soon?
How can you tell if a guy really likes you?
Is it when he texts you a lot?
Is it when he asks you out multiple times. Do you feel like you and he have a special connection when the sexual sparks begin to fly?
Getting a guy to like you is not so hard if you know a little bit about attraction and arousal.
And I am not just talking about sexual attraction or arousing a guy to such an extent that he just can’t keep his hands off of you.
Much must be said about emotional and intellectual attraction.
Despite all the things you have heard about men being wild sexual animals (well some of that is true!), a guy first and foremost wants to have fun. That could entail physical, recreational, or intellectual pursuits. The key is that you have shared experiences that are fulfilling.
Though thinking about sex and having sex are very important to any man’s makeup, most guys really wants to get to know you to see if the two of you are well matched.
Now he might not always think in those terms.
He may not even be aware of what turns him own emotionally or intellectually until afterwords when the warm glow of having been with you makes its presence known.
But instinctively, he prefers to be around women that makes him feel empowered and needed and strong and confident.
Of course it is not just those things that are important to men. A guy can be full of complications and contradictions. Getting to know what he likes and what he really wants can be a bit challenging.
But by and far, most men are relatively predictable when it comes getting their attention.
If you mix in a subtle touch of your own sizzling sexuality with a few well placed compliments along with some ego boosting statements, it is not that hard to get him to start liking and paying attention to you.
So what do I mean by a touch of sexuality?
Specifically what I am referring to is already right up your alley.
How is that?
Well, of course, you are lady and have already learned all the clever ways you can draw attention without coming off as overtly sexual.
Whether that involves hair, makeup, dress, posture, or subtle suggestive dialogue, I will leave that part up to you.
What is key though is making the sexual element very subtle. A little goes a long ways.
So what about the compliment part?
That is not so hard either when you think about men’s core behaviors.
Guys like to be reminded about how good they look.
They want to please you, yet they probably have some insecurities about their looks. Just about everybody does. So take that insecurity away by offering some well placed compliments about how handsome he looks or how you like the way he smells
Talk about other things to like how you enjoy watching how he walks or talks.
Remark about how his shoulders seem broader than other men or how he is a nice smile.
Of course, you don’t want to over do the compliments, otherwise the guy will be keen to your plan.
Just sprinkle them in there like little breadcrumbs. Over time, they accumulate.
Think of them as little attraction seeds that you are planting.
You can also play to a man’s ego.
Just about every guy needs to have that ego stroked.
So ask questions about him and learn what he does or what he thinks. Then find some ways to tell him the very things that strike right at the heart of a man’s ego.
You can make observations about his muscular strength and physique or the depth of his intellect or his uncanny perception and insight or his effective use of humor.
Whatever it is you choose to say, let your guy know that he really shines and you value it.
So is this a fail safe way to ensure that a guy will like you?
Yes, I think so.
But it doesn’t necessarily mean guys will feel that you are girlfriend or wife material.
Compatibility for long term relationships matters a lot.
In his mind, that is a big check mark.
How the two of you connect physically, emotionally, and personality wise is important.
But making that inital contact with a guy and getting something positive stirring up inside him is not terribly difficult if you apply these principles.
How Do You Make A Guy Fall In Love With You?
First of, you cannot make anyone fall in love with you.
Love is such a special emotional it cannot be led around by a leash and told what to do.
It is something your man needs to discover on his own in his own time.
But, I do think you can drop some bread crumbs to help your man find his love for you.
Some people think that great sex can lead to love and likewise they believe that if you fall in love with someone, it can lead to great sex.
After all, when you have sex with a guy, it’s called making love, right?
So wouldn’t it make sense that the act of sex can help you get your boyfriend to truly give up his heart to you?
I am not so sure about the former, but I do think a case can be made for the latter.
I don’t believe having a great sexual experience with a guy will translate into him eventually falling in love with you.
I don’t think sex is the bridge to love.
I guess my point is that you shouldn’t put too much stock into this notion that if you throw your body at a man, he will eventually fall in love with you.
Certainly, there is no doubt that when you make love (have sex) with a guy, a lot of good feeling hormones are released (e.g. dopamine, oxytocin).
And no doubt, these hormones produced by our brain can help two people desire each other more and enjoy each other’s company.
But “love” is much more than enjoying sex and feeling connected through the physical act.
It is largely about the endless large and small things the two of you do together. It is through those experiences you have with your boyfriend that love can gain traction and begin to form and grow.
If a lot of these things you do together are unique experiences for both of you, then that is even better because the bond that grows strong is often one forged by new and unusual experiences.
If you and your boyfriend frequently participate together in a lot of fun-filled activities, love has a chance to slowly gain entry.
If you both experience great joy and sadness together, those emotional experiences can forge a stronger union.
If you both experience fear and fright together, you will both come out the other end a closer couple.
Such is the way our emotions operate in terms of fusing two people together.
If you and your guy have common belief systems and desires for the future, then love can find its way into your life.
If you do enough things together and share a lot of time together that is fulfilling for you both, then love can emerge. It can form.
Love arrives in your boyfriend’s life not by invitation.
You should not ask for his love. It should come freely given.
You cannot force him to love you or insist that he loves you.
Quite the opposite, your boyfriend’s love for you will grow without you asking for it or insisting on receiving it.
He will give it to you freely when you don’t ask for it.
Love is not built on one or two or three things in particular. It comes about over time through a multitude of activities and experiences.
If you find yourself constantly thinking about what you can do to make your boyfriend love you, then you are likely not going to receive it.
Men in particular resist offering their love if you try to push him to giving it to you.
So avoid speaking of it in the beginning.
Don’t get hung up on asking him to utter those special words….”I love you”.
You boyfriend’s love for you will form and envelop you even before your boyfriend realizes he is offering it.
You will likely know he loves you before he knows himself.
And when your man eventually tells you he loves you, his love for you will have already existed for quite some time.
It is just that he is only now bringing himself to tell you.
Why the delay?
A guy will tend to avoid telling a woman he loves her for many reasons. Men are not so good about understanding their emotions and may not even know love if it was to smack them in the face.
Sometimes, sadly so, the object (you) of a man’s love has to depart or be at risk of leaving before he realizes he is in love.
Your boyfriend may also be reluctant to utter his love for you because he is afraid of being hurt.
What if you don’t love him back, he might wonder.
So as a means of self-protection, he may avoid putting himself out there.
What If My Boyfriend is Afraid To Tell Me He Loves Me?
Some men have hangups over truly revealing themselves to the very woman they are falling in love with.
The fear of rejection can be a powerful force that prevents a guy from opening up their heart.
If you are in love with a guy who you are pretty sure cares for your deeply, but seems reluctant to tell you he loves you, don’t force it in the beginning.
Perhaps he seems comfortable with you telling him that you love him, but he won’t reciprocate.
What do you do?
Give him time to find his courage.
You can offer him some subtle encouragement. You can do things that are subtle to lead the way.
For example you can exchange little love notes.
You can write him a note and tell him simply you love him. Maybe he will pick up your cue and reciprocate by writing you a little love note.
Sometimes, his lingering fear of commitment can get in the way of him uttering his love for you. If this is the problem, he can learn to overcome this fear in moment of lovemaking.
That is how you can reach into the soul of some men.
What you can do is very quietly whisper in his ear you love him during the act of lovemaking.
Just say it once.
Don’t act like you expect him to tell you the same.
Offer your expression of love as a gift to him.
More than likely, he will open up his heart to you.
If he doesn’t, it doesn’t necessarily mean he isn’t in love with you. It may suggest he has a hangup over simply telling you his deepest feelings.
If that is the case and you feel fairly certain he loves you, then choose a neutral time to simply discuss why he chooses not to tell you in words.
Tell him that while you don’t need to always hear the words, that it is important and comforting for you to hear and be reminded how important you are to him.
Some men do not understand that expressions of love are important for their lover to hear.
It can lift one up and make a person feel secure. Withholding such expressions is selfish.
Perhaps your boyfriend has come to believe that expressions of love are overly used. Or perhaps he thinks by uttering his love for you, it makes him weak.
Whatever it is that causes him to avoid telling you this deepest expression of commitment, tell him it is important to you and explain why.
But avoid arguing about it. Make you point, then move on. It takes time for men to process their feelings around the topic of love.
If he truly doesn’t love you, it will be evident to you.
Most men, when they understand the value you place on expressing love and affection, will eventually open up their heart.
How Do I Get My Boyfriend To Marry Me?
For starters, avoid bringing up the topic in the early months of the relationship.
For some guys, that is a big turn off.
While getting married may be incredibly important to you and the desire to get the ball rolling may be always on your mind, many men are wired in a completely different way.
Men value their freedom and the romance and lead up to marriage is often not as important to them
So how does one get over the hump of taking a relationship to a place where both partners are ready for long-term commitment?
I wish I could give you a simple formula like date for 6 months, move in together, then travel to a far away place where you both have the time of your life and realize you never want to be parted.
Unfortunately, there is no such “one for all’ solutions on how to get a guy to marry you.
If there was, it would have been written down for all people in love to soak up and somebody would be filthy rich.
The dynamics for every couple is unique to their own set of individual experiences as well as their joint experiences.
You and your boyfriend bring into the relationship certain biases, influences, individual behaviors, experiences, and likes and dislikes.
All of these things can influence how each of you see marriage and impact the level of importance marriage has for you.
Your background and shared experiences also influence the willingness and timing of when you both would like to get married
You and your boyfriend may jell on when you think you are both ready. When that is the case, then matters of making a firm decision, along with planning and organizing the event, can all fall in place.
Or it is possible you and your man are on completely different planes of thought. You may be ready, but he may be completely avoiding the subject of marriage.
How do you navigate through the trouble waters of getting a married when the two of your are far apart on the subject?
My experience with advising women is that they usually end up in a worst place if they try to force the issue.
Coming at a guy directly and pressuring him to tie the knot usually results in him feeling pressured and having resentment for you.
The Art of Getting Married in Small Steps
It is better to practice the art of Marriage in Small Steps.
This approach is founded on the idea that for every forceful action you take, there will be an equal and opposite negative reaction.
If you seek to aggressively pull marriage into the conversation, your boyfriend will seek to push the subject of marriage outside the conversation.
If you frequently hint around about marriage, your man will tend to ignore your efforts even more.
If you get angry and make ultimatums around the topic of marriage, your boyfriend will get upset in return and make ultimatum around the topic of never getting married.
So it’s better to move into conversation about marriage naturally.
Take the opportunity to introduce the topic by being around people who are married that seem happy and well-adjusted.
Men (and women) usually covet those things they don’t have which appears to have value to them.
It’s OK to discuss the topic of marriage with your boyfriend if the relationship is mature and has been reasonably long in duration.
But don’t turn the conversation into a lengthy debate. Don’t enter the conversation with preconceived positive or negative expectations.
It is also effective to take a neutral position about your own willingness to get married.
Remember, men like that which they don’t have.
If they feel there is value in marriage and it has been demonstrated to them by their experiences around others, then they may covet the idea of being married even more.
This is particularly the case if they think you need a little convincing.
On the other hand, if you come on really strong about marriage they know where you stand.
What is there for them to chase after?
This kind of thinking is based on a concept called psychological reactance.
Men are attracted to those things they don’t have, assuming they believe there is value in it.
If a guy thinks that you might be possibly saving marriage for someone else, it could serve as a catalyst to your boyfriend to rope you in.
This is not to say you should tell your boyfriend outright you don’t want to be married.
That wouldn’t be realistic or true.
But in the beginning of the conversations around marriage, you should avoid the appearance of someone who is desperate to be married.
To the contrary, you probably gain more by your neutral stand on the topic or even creating some subtle jealousy traps.
With this approach, over time you can positively shape your boyfriend’s notions around the whole topic of living a life together under the same roof with rings on your fingers and happiness in your souls.