Do you ever feel that you are constantly on edge because your husband often complains that he is annoyed?
Does your ex or husband get angry with you all the time over the smallest things?
Do you feel like anything you say or do will only serve to irritate your husband?
Are you married to a stinker of a husband who can only find fault with all that you do?
Sometimes a relationship will enter into a period in which, despite your best intentions and efforts, your husband will turn moody and fussy.
It is when he turns his fussiness upon you that things can start going south.
There is usually a good reason for why this is happening and it is not always something you are doing or saying, despite what he might say. Remember, when people are annoyed or irritated, what they say is not always what they really feel.
Sometimes your husband is lashing out, just to rid himself of mounting tension or stress. That does not make it right. And often times, such behavior is selfish and thoughtless. But we all are imperfect and life can throw at us all kinds of little troubles.
So that you know, just because your husband acts like he is annoyed by you all of the time and you find yourself walking on egg shells, it does not necessarily mean you are the one at fault. Often you are not. It is he that is misbehaving.
It may be your husband has blown a gasket and is leaking all kinds of pent-up emotions.
Maybe he is just being a real ass.
If you are in such a predicament in which you feel helpless as to what to do, just remember that your are not the only one out there dealing with these kinds of primal emotions that can bubble up from your guy.
Why Does My Husband Act Like a Spoiled Punk?
So what causes him to treat you this way?
Why can’t he get his crap together?
Why does he continue to behave like he is put out and that you are the center of all his problems?
It is a tough road to travel when you are living with a mean husband who just finds fault with the least little things you might do.
And while I know all of this can make you feel helpless, it is important you look beyond the surface reactions from your husband. What is best for you is to eventually get to the underlying reasons that is influencing your husband and making his emotional wounds fester.
Chances are he is not really all that upset or annoyed with you in particular, but something else is going on that is influencing his mood, making he come off as a grumpy, stick in the mud.
Some men are grumpy when they are tired. Some dudes are fussy when they are hungry. I guess you would call that “grungy”.
Some men whine and moan and fuss at you about all kinds of stupid things only to re-calibrate minutes later.
To often, women will take their husband’s words of complaint dead serious and seek to act on whatever he says.
But have you ever considered the possibility that what your husband is saying is probably reflecting a greater truth?
Sure, your husband is moody and is voicing critical things about you. But as I alluded to above, there is often a deeper reason for what is going on. Sometimes it’s simply a minor matter. Something that he feels or thinks, but is passing by.
Eventually, whatever is spurring your husband to be irritable needs to surface and be dealt with, otherwise it will fester.
So it is very important to establish if whether your husband has been moody and distant lately because of an ache here or worry there; or if this has been an ongoing pattern of behavior and you are becoming his favorite target.
Depending on where he falls, the way you will want to address this matter will vary.
My Husband Easily Gets Irritated With Me
Take for example those women who are married to a guy who has only recently unraveled? What might you do to preserve the peace without tipping the marriage over into the danger, conflict zone?
If your husband has a hair-trigger temperament, you probably have learned to tread lightly. There is not a good outcome if the marriage atmosphere turns into a battlefield. But in the long run, this is no way to live.
Do you ever feel that despite what you do or say, things were destined to go haywire with him?
Do you ever feel your husband is lying in wait as he readies himself to pounce on you with his latest criticism?
Let’s hear from a few of our clients:
“I really am stuck with a grumpy husband. He is always quoting bible and verse like he is some kind of special person. Frankly, I don’t need him preaching and telling me what to do all the time. What I need is my husband to put away his victim blaming. In his eyes, everybody is out to gem him. I know it sounds stupid because that is exactly what it is. When I don’t play along with his grand conspiracies and wild notions, he gets mad at me – Allison S.
My husband has been moody since we got back from vacation. He picks on things I say and do. It’s like nothing is good enough and I just can’t bring myself to do anything for him because he will complain or easily get annoyed with any ideas I offer up which conflict with his own. I didn’t sign up to live with an eternally crabby husband – Bertha G.
My husband is incredibly negative all the time. It takes very little to irritate him and when I try to pick up his mood by acting cheerful, he get’s upset like my attitude is some kind of affront to him. It’s like he wants to suffer. I really don’t get it. He seems to relish in wallowing in his self-pity and wants to be prickly with me and when he does, I get exasperated because it seems so unfair. Then he gets more irked with my reaction and it all just spins out of control – Vivian K.
So what is really going on with your man?
What has gotten under his skin? Why does he insist that you are at fault for this or that, when you know deep down you are not the cause of his repeated attacks.
After awhile, the whole thing can turn into a real cluster frack.
He behaves like he is annoyed and grumpy and takes it out on you. And you in turn get bent out of shape for being falsely accused or made to be his emotional punching bag.
This is when things can take a turn for the worst.
Subject to escalating negativity and tired of their husband’s critical comments, many women will decide to up the ante and lay into their husband, calling him out for his own annoying and pitiful complaints.
Throw it all together and spin and shake it around, you have the makings of a miserable time.
5 Reasons Why Your Husband Is Annoyed With You
1. He is Really Not Upset With You – Sometimes a guy will just start acting out because some outside force is upsetting or stressing him out. Whatever it is that is on his mind, it will usually come pouring out in your presence because after all, the way he is looking at things, you are there and your mere presence reminds him that he alone is suffering. So he drags you into his miserable state.
It is sort of guy thing. At least I have seen it more with men than women. I call it “strike and lash out syndrome”
His reaction to you when he is around you can get rather complicated. When you think about it rationally, it would seem that he would look to you, his wife, for comfort and support.
But he may not be comfortable with that.
His ego may prevent him to reach out to you in that way. Or maybe he is still in the midst of trying to process his feelings about whatever is on his mind and you just happen to be in his way.
If this is the situation you are dealing with, then be patient and don’t snap back at him or react adversely to his negative temperament. In time, he will likely be able to diffuse his own upset feelings. Just give him a little room or wide berth if it calls for that. He will likely notice it and later circle back to express his misgivings for acting badly around you.
Now just because he acts a little snotty around you doesn’t mean he should get a full free pass on his misbehavior. So if an apology is not forthcoming, then ask for one. Otherwise, he might think that it is perfectly fine for him to behave this way the next time.
2. Your Husband Gets Annoyed Easily – Some guys are perfectionists. They can be very anal about things. And if they are trying to figure out something and can’t quite get it figured out, the least little distraction can set him off.
Let’s say you are sitting there enjoying a quiet evening and something happens and he goes into his funk. Perhaps your husband acts somewhat distant and a little disturbed. Maybe you pick up flashes of annoyance in his tone or his movements. He starts shifting around in his chair. Or your husband starts walking around with a tad too much aggression. Something is percolating within him and it’s like he might explode.
Then before you even realize what is happening, something occurs that serves as a flash point causing your husband to become ultra sensitive as annoyance turns to cutting remarks or worse.
Such is the evolution of our emotions as they can quickly take a firm grip on our demeanor.
3. Your Husband Has A Hangup – Perhaps your husband has always been quick to a be annoyed, blaming you and others for his problems or misfortune.
Men with anger or self-image issues are particularly vulnerable often allowing themselves to be easily swept away by their irritable or argumentative mood.
Maybe your marriage has been one in which you have for a long period of time tried your best to hold things together. But managing both your own emotional anxieties, never mind your husband’s, is a tall order. It’s sad, but true, that some husbands are the “glass is half empty” type with little good to say to their wife.
4. A Pre-existing Issue is Still On His Mind – Your husband may be stricken by a matter that is causing him great internal stress. Perhaps it is a work matter. As they say, we should not bring our work home with us. But what if your husband is sort of workaholic and he is up against a deadline? Well, I think you know the answer.
When stress and deadlines start bumping up against each other, we often end up with negative encounters such as mood spikes or a tense home environment. If your husband is already dealing with personal or workplace pressures, he is a prime candidate for misbehaving.
Hence, this is where you might start experiencing a rise of incidents in which your husband becomes testy and critical about things around him, including you.
5. Your Husband May Find Certain Things You Do or Say Annoying – When I tell this to some people, they often get a little upset with me, even testy. But when I coach someone who is reporting to me that her husband complains that he finds her annoying…. to do her justice, I have to work through the possibilities.
And one possibility is that the wife could be doing something that the husband can get annoyed with easily. Sometimes it’s just little things. Sometimes it is something that has been going on for a while.
Some husbands are conditioned not to mention that which they find annoying about their wife. It’s just good manners. We hope, whatever it is they are doing, stops on its own accord. Or we choose to ignore it, until we can’t any more. That is when things can bubble over.
We are all annoying to varying degrees, right? So why not acknowledge it to each other?
If we are in an honest relationship, it usually best to communicate when something bothers you, unless it is some petty thing. Of course, if one makes a big deal about it and the feedback you give to your spouse is received as a crude complaint, then obviously you won’t be advancing the marriage.
But I do believe if a relationship is going to grow, both spouses need to find a common ground to convey things to each other, to help each other.
Now, if your husband is constantly berating you for doing this wrong or that wrong and complaining about you in all sorts of ways; this is not the stuff from which healthy communications emerge.
If you are facing such a hostile and negative home environment, where it seems nothing you do or say pleases your husband, then another course of action is necessary.
When Should I Get Worried About My Husband Acting Moody?
The quick and easy answer is usually not until you are seeing an established trend, coupled with bouts of abusive outbursts.
In most cases, when men and women have their moments and occasions of moodiness and irritability, they come and go without inflaming things to a point of chaos.
Now, if your husband’s upset feelings have been going on for a good spell, then obviously that is not conducive to a happy marriage. If this is happening with regularity, then you want to take time to specifically talk to your husband about what you are seeing from your end of the relationship.
It is possible, he is knee-deep into some matter that has him all twisted up and has lost perspective as to how he is being perceived. It is best to work toward discussing his behavior without placing blame. Ask him what you can do to help him with whatever he is going through. Show him understanding. Let kindness rule.
Of course, I am assuming that the problem that is driving his annoyance and reactionary behavior is external to the relationship. If that is the case, the two of you should be able to work through this bad patch. Help him see how he is being perceived and direct him to better confront his own emotions.
Is Your Husband Reluctant To Talk About Why He Is On Edge?
Some guys will struggle with talking about what is bending them out of shape. They just don’t want to open up and sometimes will just hole up. Usually, you won’t have a lot of success with these types by trying to pry out of them what is going on in their head.
You are better off encouraging your man to do something physical which often can help him displace his testy emotions. Once he get it out, things can sometimes improve fairly rapidly.
Some men will go into a denial phase, expressing that they have no idea what you are talking about. “I have not been snapping at you“, he might say in a defensive tone. “You are just imagining this.”
If you husband takes this approach, don’t pay heed to his denials. Don’t fall into that game of arguing with him about it. The truth is your comments about how he is coming off probably hit home and he will re-calibrate his behavior accordingly.
It does pay to remind yourself that even if your husband suffers an extended bout of moodiness, it does not necessarily portend something terrible is going to happen. Most often, nothing bad comes of it.
If his behavior does not improve, as mentioned earlier, offer some matter of the fact feedback, maybe even laced with some humor, without any ratcheting the tension.
“Sweetheart, you realize you are pretty edgy these days, to the point where I feel like you are going to snap my head off.”
Whatever his outbursts or negative acts might be, don’t assume he doesn’t love you. Often, it is his way of expelling the tension he holds within.
Unfortunately, some men are not good at drawing the line and act irresponsibly by saying mean or ugly things to their wives which they come to later regret.
This happens to us all. Nevertheless it hurts if you are on the receiving end.
But when it occurs with frequency, such as your husband either takes relish saying or doing abusive things or just habitually surrenders to his worst instincts and behavior, this is where dysfunction start taking hold of the marriage.
This is where you draw the line.
Advise your husband you have no tolerance for such times when his mood swings turn into abuse and engulf you. Get up and go somewhere. Make it real for him by expressing you don’t wish to be around him when he acts this way.
It is up to your husband now to behave like an adult and show you the respect you deserve. Don’t enable him by remaining in an environment in which he has poisoned. It is not healthy for you to stay there, so don’t.
For those of you who are married to men who can’t seem to manage the inner demons and choose to double up on their verbal abuse, I encourage to read some of the other relevant articles on this topic which you can find throughout my website.