Have you every felt if you spent another minute with your husband you would scream and pull out all of your hair?
Have you ever been in a situation where all you could think about is how to get away from your husband?
Does it feel like a matter of survival? Do you feel your marriage is under the trial of fire and if there is not some kind of timeout, the relationship is going to blow up?
You might be on the edge of just walking out the door because your husband is driving your crazy.
Men can do that to you, as you well know. (Note: To be fair to the guys, some women can drive them a little haywire too).
If you feel like giving up on your marriage but need some time to yourself to get in touch with your feelings, you must might find a solution here in this article.
I would also recommend you take a look at the post below if you feel like you are getting close to the bottom.
It seems that the longer I am in this business of talking with and helping people with their relationships, the matter of compatibility often comes up.
But once you are married, you can’t go back in time and revisit the compatibility checklist.
For what it’s worth, no married couple scores 100% on the compatibility scale.
That is why the wisest of couples understand that marriages are love affairs in progress and the partners constantly seek to make their union all the better.
So let’s get back to your need to possibly escape your husband.
There are multiple ways in which you can handle the moment if your husband is driving you to the edge of insanity.
It is almost always best not to rush to judgement in matters of the heart.
But in the instance in which you may be the recipient of extreme emotional or physical abuse, the situation calls for a different response (i.e. rapid response).
We will take each matter, break it down and offer you some solutions.
Let’s start first with creating some space from the guy you are with.
Whether it be your marriage with your husband or a relationship you have with a boyfriend, the need to get away and get some freedom could be just the remedy you are looking for.
Help! I Need Space In My Relationship
Lately, I have been getting a lot of questions from married women about needing a break from their husband for a lot of different reasons.
Such a break can range from a temporary time out to a lengthy multi day or week separation from the man you are married to.
This approach is not for every married couple because a lot men and women are relatively happily married and they don’t want or need to be apart.
But for others, a little absence can not only make the heart grow fonder, it can also save the two partners from spinning out of control.
I hear all the time from ladies about the value of creating some space.
I think of it as making room for you to rediscover yourself. To accomplish this, you will need to break the routines of your marriage life which can be hard to do.
But for some marriages, it can be the difference of blowing your mind wide apart from the struggles to getting a much-needed reprieve from the madness of marriage.
Chris, can you please tell me the signs I just watch out for that tells me I need space from my husband.
I can’t believe that I didn’t do this sooner. My husband and I have been fighting way too much and I feel trapped and drowned out by this marriage. I have learned that I need alone time in our relationship, otherwise I feel like I am losing control over who I am.
Chris, how do I tell my husband I need space without breaking up the marriage?
Sometimes I need space and alone time with my man, but other times I need to be alone with myself. Being married to a guy who understands my needs and is not put off by my desire to go it alone at times makes all the difference.
Lately, Chris, all I can think of is being as far away from my husband as possible. I don’t know if this is a healthy way of looking at my marriage. But I have had enough and I can’t stand the thought of spending another minute with him. Is there such a thing as an emergency getaway for wives who are sick of their husbands!
Why Do Women Need To Get Away From Their Husband or Boyfriend?
There are dozens of reasons why you may need to get away from your husband or boyfriend. Let me list a few:
- You might need to simply recharge your battery because the stresses of the relationship is weighing you down. What better way to do that than to remove yourself from the normal routines of marriage. If you have a husband who understands and respects your need for freedom and the importance of you having an opportunity to regain your individualism, then count yourself lucky. This could be an outing for an entire day with yourself or with close friends. Or it could be longer than that. Just doing something that is fun and helps you reshape your perspective about how small your problems really are can do wonders for your psyche.
- Assume that you are involved in a very difficult relationship and the man you are with is just making your life hell. Probably the worst thing you can do is keep on repeating the same routines and finding yourself again and again at the door of conflict. Wouldn’t it be better for you and your husband (or boyfriend) to spend some quality time away from each other. He and you may still be very much in love, but your mutual love for each other cannot be counted on to resolve the many ups and downs you will experience in marriage. In this case, an extended outing may be in order. A long weekend with your girlfriends might just help reset your emotional center. And your husband will benefit as well. The love between the two of you only becomes more apparent with absence. While this won’t necessarily address the root cause of why the marriage is struggling, it will help you gain a calmer state of mind and allow you and your husband wrestle back control of your marriage. It will take a plan and commitment on both sides.
- Consider a scenario in which your husband and you have been struggling a long time. Assume the marriage has gotten emotionally abusive with both of you sharing blame in the department. Neither of you want a divorce or even a separation, but something needs to change. Consider a marriage intervention that involves you both agreeing to a mini period of separation. Sometimes you need space to work out your own personal baggage, before you can even tackle the problems of the relationship. And just possibly, getting away from your husband for a spell might just jar him into the realization that things are very wrong and the two of you had best start working on some solutions.
- Sometimes you might need to part with your husband simply to survive. I am not referring to a physical abuse situation, though such a circumstance must be taken extremely seriously and one would be best serve to act with haste if they are physically threatened or abused. But what if your boyfriend or husband turned into a rotten kind of guy. Let’s say he is extremely abusive or the marriage is so fragile, you worry not just about your state of mind, but whether the relationship can last another day. In these situations, it may be critically important to get out of the relationship. As to how long and what might be your next steps, these are all good questions. My thoughts are you will be better prepared to answer those questions once you are out of a terrible predicament. Regain your sanity and create a safe space for yourself and let some time unfold.
Do You Need To Leave Your Husband
So what is the deal with your marriage?
Do you need to get away and leave for your own emotional well-being?
Or are you on the fence because what has been going on is on one hand, highly upsetting, but not a relationship buster?
Do you often find yourself highly upset and on the edge of panic due to marital strife?
These are all appropriate questions and how you proceed largely depends on your individual circumstance with your husband or boyfriend.
Obviously, there are a lot of things to take into consideration such as:
- How long have you and your husband been married?
- Has the marriage been largely successful and only recently the two of you have struggled? Or has the desire to put distance between you and your husband been dragging on for a long time?
- Are there any redeeming qualities that your man possesses to build upon?
- Do you have young children and what might be the impact on their lives? Do they have strong relationship with their father?
- How independent are you financially? Do you depend solely on your husband to provide the basics of life?
- Have you left your man before? How many times?
- Does your husband have a history of poor relationships?
- Is your family nearby or do you have reliable friends that are willing to support you emotionally and financially if you choose to step away from the marriage?
- How might your husband react to you temporarily leaving? Would he be supportive or would it be yet another log on the fire that he would use against you? (Comment: If your man was to use your decision to take time for yourself and for the betterment of the marriage and turn it into a divisive matter, then that reveals volumes about the guy you are married to).
As you can see, there are a lot of things to consider before one decides to take leave their husband, even if it is just for the short-term.
I am sure someone out there has created a “leaving husband checklist” to assist you with such a decision.
After all, as I alluded to above, there can be a lot of relationship complications with making such an intervention.
But the complications around such a move can rarely be captured on a checklist or some quiz you take.
Our individual situations are all so unique.
For example, “how to leave your husband when you have a child” has its own unique set of complications. I would imagine that checklist would be rather long as well.
I Am Ready To Get Away From My Husband: What’s Next?
I often get inquiries from women about “if I am leaving my husband what do I do first”.
That is tough to answer given the complexity of each person’s situation.
But usually the first thing I advise is make sure you are leaving for the right reasons.
Don’t make such a decision with your right brain (emotional side). This is when you have to ensure that it is not your emotions you are listening to.
So as a result, your emotional state when you are considering leaving your husband is an important consideration.
Be sure to think about some of the basics first.
You will need to take into account things like whether you should or can leave your husband when you have no money.
How important is it that you get away and how long do you intend to stay away are also important considerations?
If we are talking a long-term separation, then the decision tree you should consider is even more complicated. Breaking up with the intention of being away from each other for a very long time or forever is a high stake relationship decision.
Also, remember this, whether you leave or stay, neither of these two paths will necessarily be easy.
So prepare yourself for a journey of self discovery.
You may stumble and struggle along the way, but that doesn’t mean that you chose wrong.
Try not to allow yourself to get overwhelmed with the prospect.
The gravity of simply remaining in your marriage can be powerful.
But if you have rationally examined all of the advantages and disadvantages of stepping away from the relationship, you will feel more confident with your decision.
Also, consult with people and sources you trust. Don’t rely on any one source or person.
Also, remember the three critical things we all need to survive is food, shelter, and a sense of safety. If these three things are in place, then you will likely land on your feet. But you will still have a lot of work ahead of you to normalize your life.
On the other hand, if you are like the lady who told me, “I want to leave my husband but have nowhere to go”, then you have some work to do right now.
It would be unwise to leave in a panic. I am big on thinking these things through and coming up with a plan. I also think sometimes we need to shift our paradigm and try a different approach.
With the lady above who had been fighting with her husband for ages, I simply asked her if she ever thought of asking him to leave. “Why must you leave“, I asked?
She wasn’t sure he would leave and didn’t want a huge confrontation.
So I told her, “look, if you really need to create some space between you and your husband for however long and are dead set on making that happen, then why not at least ask him to leave. Irrespective of which way you go, the two of you will likely butt heads when it comes time to tell him.”
My thinking was let him deal with looking for a place. The most likely negative outcomes would be the husband telling her “No” or he drags his feet.
None of these outcomes prevented her from leaving later or staying with friends or family.
As it turned out, he eventually left when he realized she was serious about leaving if he didn’t. Their initial agreement was to live apart for 60 days then meet to seriously explore what might be the next move.
After two weeks, they met and came up with a plan of understanding and he moved back in. It was a bit sooner than I preferred, but when I last checked they were progressing well with some of the problems they were experiencing.